A Girl Should Be Two Things…

Nothing pains me more than my existence being questioned by people that just don’t get it. And boy are there are A LOT of them. A day doesn’t go by without a bunch of a-holes giving their opinion on whatever I might be doing, wearing, or saying. The start of this post does sound like the blog of angry girl annoyed at the world, when it’s really me just letting you know that NO ONE CARES. Because these are the people that have played the biggest part in keeping me who I am. Myself.

Somehow, you thought it appropriate to tell me I look prettier without glasses on. You thought it so strange that I could be a Beyonce fan. It was nice to tell me I should wear my hair a certain way because you prefer it straight. You thought it okay to comment on my ass because I was wearing tight jeans. You had the class to call me a “plan for the winter.” You called me a bitch because I prioritized my job before you.  You had to comment on why I love to eat. Oh. No. You. Didn’t. Don’t even get me started on the, “If only’s…” If only you lost a bit of weight, or if only you were blonde.

Then it occurred to me that, damn straight I look pretty without glasses on, but what’s sexier than a woman that can see you. I simply listened to Single Ladies and the whole “I love Yonce” thing made sense again. I curled my hair and yeah even with a chunk of fringe missing I know this hair is perfect. I wore my skinnies and worked the ‘tight jeans, big dreams’ look. I realized how true the term, ‘fail to plan, plan to fail’ really is. Actually, I’m still busy prioritizing work, I’ll get back to you. Oh. No. You. Didn’t… Just eat a piece of my biltong.  If only I knew how to care about that.

And in the wise words of someone famous who posted a really cool quote image on Pinterst, ” A woman should be two things, who and whatever the fuck she wants.”

Because no matter how opinionated you are, and no matter how convinced you are thick eyebrows aren’t cool, I will keep doing me. Thick eyebrows and all. #CaraDelevingne

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If I Could

We know Miss South Africa does it, apparently even politicians do it and surprise, surprise, so do I.

Yes, I volunteer.

Volunteering is generally considered an selfless activity and is intended to promote goodness or improve human quality of life. In return, this activity can produce a feeling of self-worth and respect.

From visiting the townships in South Africa to distribute food and clothing to the locals, to a trip to the rural villages of Mozambique and staying at The Home of Hope in Cape Town, I’ve had the most amazing time on every trip, met the craziest of people and learned more than you will ever know.

I’ve met a witch doctor who let us stay on the land he owned, I know what it’s like to live with children that have been diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, I’ve used a long drop toilet. The kind of experiences money cannot buy and memories that will last forever are just some of the reasons to volunteer, there is so much more that volunteering can do for you.

There are so many reasons to volunteer, and I won’t bore you with all of them but don’t think you’re getting away with not hearing a few of them!

1. Gain professional experience – Why not do something that will add to your C.V. and only take a teenie bit of your time.

2.Strengthen your community – You live there, shouldn’t you also be responsible.

3. Personal growth – There is nothing more important than figuring out who you are, and you are guaranteed to learn more about yourself.

4. Experiences – I have met a lady who carries 20 liters of fresh water by herself for kilometers back to her village for her family to use, I’ve attempted playing soccer at an orphanage in Venda, and then lost that exact same soccer game, I fell in love with a little boy named Simba who made me smile by just looking at me and then you ask if you should volunteer…

And fancy the coincidence of me posting this and it also being International Volunteer Week, absolutely crazy! If you have ever thought of doing anything of this sort, check out If I Could at http://ificould.co.za/happy-volunteer-week/ and get involved in some of the best programs and internships around.

The Boyfriend

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Because for some reason, in every day conversations I get asked why I don’t have a boyfriend. As if this “boyfriend” will be the perfect answer to life’s unsolvable questions.

And now don’t you get to thinking I’m about to justify or explain why I choose not to update my relationship status on Facebook. I’m about to tell you why, as a 21 year old woman, it’s okay to be me, alone, and still kick ass and take names.

Want & Need – I NEED water in my life to live, I WANT biltong in my life because I enjoy eating it. There is a difference. Realise that you don’t need a man to make you happy, and when you are sad, there is always biltong.

Compromise – We all know that relationships are about compromise. But you know what? Right now I am the most selfish person I know. Whether it be time, money or effort, I can choose who and what I want to spend it on, and yes, most of it is spent on me. And that’s okay.

Me – You know what I learnt about myself the other day, I learnt that I can say no. For the first time, with no hesitation, I said no to a telesales man trying to sell me life insurance. Because today I’m growing into my own person and not trying to be the person “boyfriend” expects me to be. A person that can say, “No we don’t need a printer cartridge from you.”

Beyonce – Never let a man treat you anything less than Beyonce. Respect. honesty, or a nice ass, high standards is an understatement, you have the right to have your perfect man list. I’m not saying he exists, but a girl can dream can’t she?

Work it – There is nothing more enjoyable than realising you are someone that doesnt need to depend on another person. To know you did it, and everything you gained, you earned it. Be your own bread winner.

Do you – Yes we’ve heard the saying but seriously, do you. Being alone I have genuinely learnt there is no one else I’d rather be than the person I am, no matter how much shade and hate you throw at me, I’m still going to do me. The other day I was told, ” Oh you’re such a typical Joburg girl that uses all the typical phrases on social media.” Uh yes, did you not read the post? I am a basic bitch and thoroughly okay with it. For realzies.

So as much as I get the #ForeverAlone joke, you will not be seeing It’s Complicated on Facebook any time soon. I’m young and awesome as heck alone, why would I change that. And as much as I hate to disagree with the Queen herself, but seriously Beyonce, if he likes it, he doesn’t HAVE to put a ring on it. Maybe he could just befriend it, take it out for dinner, and see where it goes.

So when you ask me about the status that makes it sound like I’m in love, nope I just genuinely like the song.
So no I don’t have a boyfriend, yet here I am, kicking ass and taking names all day ere day.

Yeah I’m a Basic Bitch.

Yeah I will proudly belt out the lyrics of ‘Single Ladies’ before listening to the Mumford & Sons album because I’m a basic bitch like that.

Firstly, when you read this mom, sorry for you using the word b*tch to refer to myself. You need to know it’s an internet thing.

It comes down to this… I did a buzzfeed quiz and well yeah, I’m a basic bitch. And yes I will rock my basic bitchness forever, but what is a basic bitch you my ask? “Someone who is unflinchingly upholding of the status quo and stereotypes of their gender without even realizing it. She engages in typical, unoriginal behaviors, modes of dress, speech, and likes. She is tragically/laughably unaware of her utter lack of specialness and intrigue.” – Urban Dictionary. So in essence, shes your average, everyday girl, and just that.

If you happen to love One Direction, or find the idea of binge watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S while eating way to much fro-yo. You’re a basic bitch. And that’s okay, because no there is nothing wrong with being a little bit,(or very) mainstream.

According to Cosopolitian, Lauren Conrad was labelled basic. Yes, the same woman who has a hit fashion line, 8 top selling books and over 3.3 million followers on Twitter. And here you thought being basic was a bad thing.

I’m basic, and proud! I’m not cool enough to know every new alternative rock band to spring up, but I do listen to the radio and rap along to the two Kanye West songs I know, I read the Harry Potter book series, I love J Law and I still say YOLO, these are the things that make me basic. But don’t ever doubt me. I work, I write, I blog, I pray, I learn, I love, I hurt, I tweet, I have an undying love for potatoes and bathtubs, I strive for greatness and sometimes I even work out. There is no reason being basic should stop you from kicking ass and taking names, take your basic and embrace it.

So girl, don’t worry about the haters, because boy will they hate! Just carry on posting those pictures of your coffee on Instagram, searching for hairstyle inspiration on Pinterest, practicing your twerk, and singing along to Beyonce, because being basic is best. Keep doing you, you’re the best you’ve got.

Please note** We know you listen to Hozier, but you’re still a basic bitch, not even Take Me To Church can change that.

Living Alone… Meh

I’m 21, living alone, a working girl and well basically living the dream!

Juuuust kidding, in every good dream I’ve ever had, I’ve never had to clean a shower. No one tells you this while you’re growing up and there is no class for this in school, life is just like SURPRISE! Microwaves don’t clean themselves!

Never did I think I’d blog about cleaning but this is a real thing that never goes away, because I really never thought twice about it. Here’s a few facts that I’ve learned living alone and  cleaning my own mess up alone.

I shed. Everywhere. Having long hair is basically just a way for spies to keep track of my location through tracking of my DNA  that I happen to leave everywhere. Ever had to clean a shower drain that has collected all your sheddings? Nasty.

Light switches. The thought process here was basically, “Eeeuw so many people are putting the lights on and off. Germs!” Seriously, think about the amount if hands that touch them.

Dustbins. Now these guys are tricky, you think they are there to discard all your rubbish and once you’ve thrown it away your job is done, but no! The actual bin needs cleaning because you will mess on the lid and don’t even get me started on a hole in the black bag.

Skirting. The art of wearing a skirt? Nope. Just those wooden pieces that line walls, (I honestly don’t know why they are there), that gather more dust than the Sahara desert. Where does this dust even come from??

Toilets are just gross. Apparently there is more to cleaning one than just pouring in the liquid and flushing. Because nothing gives me the heebie jeebies more than having to touch a toilet brush.

Then to really complicate life, you have to keep everything you use to clean the house clean. Like the mop, I wash the floor only to realize my job isn’t done because now the mop is gross. And then there are cloths that you use to wipe stuff, you have to wash those. Dishcloths are the worst, they last a good five minutes here. Then there’s the toilet brush thing again.

And it’s so time consuming. What I’ve decided is to just never clean and give up on having a social life… I lie, I will spend an annoying amount of time cleaning showers, dustbins, fridges, switches, handles, plugs and even cloths because if eating a bat can give you ebola, who knows what a dirty cloth could do to you!

The Haunting – JK It’s Me

I’ve always had a thing for scaring people, like I went through a phase when I did my best to scare my family. ALL the time. And tonight I found my long lost love for scaring people when the opportunity arose to scare my housemate. I I took it with both hands and ran with it!

It all started when I did actually get a fright because of a weird shadow I saw in the kitchen which I shared with Amy, said housemate, and she was also extremely freaked out. Working late tonight, the idea dawned on me just go give her a simple fright. Oh how that idea blossomed.

At around 8PM I crept around outside the house hoping she was in her room so I could go knock on her window, but instead I found Tsotsi on our balcony and so it began… After managing to signal him that I was there I told him to go inside and tell Amy he just saw a really big shadow go past her and he was freaked out, little did I know he would be even better at selling it than me. The giggles started the moment I heard Amy freaking out..  That was my cue for the next phase…

I ran down the stairs and around the house to our neighbors house and got him to open the door that connected our place to his and listened to more of Amy freaking out, “NO TSOTSI! Tayla has also seen a shadow in the house! Something is going on!” So the next step was to involve Mzwa who joined in without hesitation. He walked into our place asking Amy who opened his door because it was suddenly wide open and it can’t be opened. And cue more freaking out. And A LOT more giggles.

I slammed the door once more trying to make it even worse and then ran to our door and casually “came home from work,” to hear all the deets on the horror story I was missing out on! The video is BEST.

Amy had to lock up shop and desperately wanted me to come with and I joined her, thanks to my stealthy texting skills I asked Tsotsi to run to our place and open all our cupboard doors, and this guy is good. Even I was freaked out when I walked into our kitchen! It was legit a scene from paranormal activity! My acting skills went mad and I freaked out, but laughed too, with my excuse, “I laugh when I’m scared dude!”

You know the fear is real when Amy is quiet and anointing oil is mentioned, but did I tell her? Nope. I’m very obviously a terrible person. The best reveal was obviously to tag her in a Facebook status and laugh at her, and then follow it up with a blog post. Yes karma is a thing, but I can revel in my genius until she comes around!

Remember That Time…

This one is for Megan de Lange, because remember that time we went to Mossel Bay together and had the best time EVER.

Our holidays mostly consisted of sunburn, ice-cream, a bad rash and getting into trouble, and the obvious thing to do would be to list these memories in detail and share it with all of you. Here it goes…

Remember that time we went for a walk and those guys shouted from the rooftop to us and we decided to wave back at them…and then we got home and your dad asked why we waved at guys. I NEARLY DIED. How did he know?!

Then there was the time we found an eagle just chilling on the ground… I screamed so loud even David almost peed himself. Then we went and asked neighbors if they were missing an eagle.Because people obviously just lose eagles.

I’m sure you remember the time you lost your bikini top in the sea and I swam away from you because the lifeguard was telling us to swim to the right place and I almost drowned because I was laughing so much when I heard the lifeguard say, “Uh kan ek jou help?”

I will never forget the time you made me go horse riding at the crack of dawn, I should never be asked to do anything that involves being active or interaction with a living creature before 7AM.

I know we will both always remember that amazing sarmie we ate?? Honest to goodness the best thing I’ve ever eaten. Seriously, try this! White bread, butter, strawberry jam, slap chips and canned mussels. Not even kidding right now.

I can’t forget the times we would just walk for hours, eating ice- cream jamming hard to Poker Face and Just Dance, we were such rebels listening to Lady Gaga.We were just hardcore.

And don’t even get me started on what boy magnets we were! With our burnt, peeling faces, suuuper attractive saltwater hair frizz, that SEXY walk we did when we didn’t want our thighs to touch because of the chaffing. Oh we just couldn’t keep them at bay!

Then there was the hours we would sit on those two beds and just laugh, laugh, prank call, do our hair, recover from sunburn, laugh some more, chat on mxit, plan on making friends (we were cool like that), take selfies, (before they were cool), and so much more laughing.

We are forever, you will always be my buddy, my dude, my Taylor Swift song duet partner, my partner in crime when we would steal cheese and ice-cream, my food eater, my none milk drinker, my biltong provider, ,y One Tree Hill introducer, my best friend, my forever.

And yes Aunty Carmen, it was always us who ate the ice-cream… ALWAYS.